


Into the Unknown

by nargles_exist



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Childhood Friends, Comfort, Feelings, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28181190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nargles_exist/pseuds/nargles_exist
Summary: They've been together their whole lives. After several months apart, Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime reunite in their hometown and deal with the consequences of their separation. Deep feelings surface and long-overdue discussions take place.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21
Collections: Haikyuu Secret Santa 2020





	Into the Unknown

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift fic for Mari (@rinkary_ on twitter) through the Haikyuu Secret Santa gift exchange! I hope you like it!

“Say it.”

The night sky was painted with bright colors as fireworks exploded somewhere, and he could see the reflections gleam in Tooru’s eyes. 

“Hajime, please.” Tooru’s breath was warm and visibly mingled with his own as they embraced in the cold. His lips were red and wet from kissing, and the biting wind tousled his hair in a way that Hajime found annoyingly charming. He cursed the darkness of their hiding spot because Tooru was beautiful like this: thoroughly kissed, thoroughly stripped of public facade, and thoroughly Hajime’s. 

“I need to hear it.”

Hajime relented. “I love you,” he said, and he held Tooru tightly as he kissed him again.

They rarely said it. It rarely needed to be said. Their relationship wasn’t one of soft words, of affirmations or promises. Not spoken aloud, anyway. They had never really officially talked about their feelings for each other and what that would mean going forward. It just was. Like it had always been. _He is mine, and I am his._

Hajime’s early memories all centered around Tooru, and he had known, even then, as a scraped up, bug collecting child, that he and Tooru would always be together. They were inseparable. He remembered his mother spending hours on the telephone, finding a way to switch him into Tooru’s class at school. He remembered walking to school in matching uniforms, joined hands swinging between them as Tooru chattered beside him. 

He remembered watching volleyball matches on television and the day that Tooru had showed up at his house with a brand new volleyball and an excited grin. He remembered trying out for the middle school team and the way Tooru broke down and cried afterwards, so afraid that he hadn’t done enough to be chosen, terrified that his budding dream would be crushed before it began. He remembered Tooru’s fierce intensity during their first match and his own pride after their win. 

But he also remembered the way girls first started to notice Tooru in middle school and the way his stomach would twist unpleasantly when they giggled and complimented _his_ Tooru. He remembered crying alone in his room when Tooru agreed to take a girl to a festival. He remembered the nervous fluttering of his heart when Tooru suggested they practice kissing with each other. He remembered stolen kisses in the dark as they walked home after practice. He remembered sleepovers, with Tooru wrapped snugly in his arms, all sleepy whispers and soft kisses. 

He remembered entering high school and Tooru’s popularity spiking faster than a quick attack. He remembered Tooru throwing away every heart-riddled note in his locker and casually saying that he didn’t need them. He remembered the look in Tooru’s eyes when they first touched each other, naked and alone in his room, while Hajime’s parents were out of town. He remembered the frenzy of extra practice as Tooru pushed himself harder and harder in order to be the best. And he remembered the crushing despair of defeat at the end of their high school careers. 

His life had always been centered around Tooru, and he didn’t see any reason why that should change now. _He is mine, and I am his._

They hadn’t talked about it when they separated to follow their own paths. They may have been forced apart physically, but their hearts, their spirits, would forever be entwined. It had been easy for Hajime when they had both returned to Japan for the winter holidays. Hajime was staying with his parents, of course, and Tooru was with his own family, but they had spent nearly every day together. They met Makki and Mattsun for dinner several times, their legs pressed together under the table as they caught up on each others’ lives and discussed plans to visit each other over the next year and spend their vacations sunbathing at the beach. They had visited their kouhai at the high school, staying to watch a practice and marvelling at the younger boys’ growth and advanced techniques. They had walked the same, familiar path home, stopping in the dark to kiss as snow drifted softly down around them. 

He could tell, as New Year’s approached, that something was bothering Tooru. Of course he noticed. A few months apart couldn’t erase the years he had spent learning Tooru’s face and body better than he would ever know English. He was fluent in Tooru. He could sense the subtle uneasiness under the smiles and bright tones. But he knew that it wouldn’t do any good to push for an explanation; he trusted Tooru to tell him when he was ready.

Both young men were pressed into service to help get their family homes ready for the birth of the new year, but as Hajime cleaned and hung decorations for his mother, his phone was constantly buzzing with texts from Tooru. He didn’t don a yukata for the festival, feeling more comfortable in his Western-style clothing, but he accompanied his parents to their local shrine, as was tradition. Also traditional, he abandoned them almost immediately to meet up with Tooru. 

They joined the queue to return their used _omamori_ , separating afterwards to line up at the stall to purchase new ones. Tooru always bought several, while Hajime tended to only buy one--usually a protection against misfortune. Today, however, he bought an extra one, quietly slipping it into his pocket before he rejoined Tooru.

After engaging in the expected socialization with Tooru’s family and various other friends and acquaintances wandering around the festival, he had taken Tooru’s hand and pulled him away from the crowd. They slipped off into the dark just as the fireworks began, stepping off of the main path and into a copse of trees that they had used many times in the past for furtive make-out sessions. That was almost traditional, too.

Even after Hajime affirmed his love, Tooru seemed to be full of desperation, crashing against him with ferocious intensity. Not that Hajime was complaining. He knew that they would part again soon, and he too felt the need to make the most of every moment they had together. 

His fingers had been nearly frozen from the cold, but they warmed up quickly on Tooru’s skin. He stroked over Tooru’s pink cheeks, sliding his hands through the soft waves of his hair, pressing up under Tooru’s coat and sweater to clutch at the hot skin of his back and sides. He eagerly accepted Tooru's kisses and the press of his body, holding firm as Tooru gave up his rigid self-control. 

In Hajime's protective embrace, he let the layers of his facade slough away until it was just Tooru, the boy Hajime had always loved. Hajime could feel Tooru's limbs shaking, and he slowed his kisses, pulling back so that they were just soft pecks against his quivering mouth. Tooru's breath was coming in gasps, and he felt very unsteady against Hajime. Slowly, he braced himself against the tree trunk behind him and supported Tooru's body as they made a controlled descent, ending up with Hajime on the ground and Tooru cradled in his lap. 

He kept kissing Tooru's face and neck, rubbing his back, until his lover relaxed against him. He could feel Tooru's heartbeat starting to calm. He wanted to let Tooru decide when he was ready to talk about whatever was bothering him, but he was running out of time, and this seemed to be an advanced stage of bother. "Are you going to tell me what's up with you?" he finally asked. "If you wait much longer, my ass is going to be frozen to the ground here."

Huffing out a laugh, Tooru nuzzled his nose against Hajime's neck. "Such a charmer." After a moment of silence, he spoke again, his voice soft and strained. "I don't think I can do it." His body was still draped against Hajime, but there was a thread of tension running through it. 

"Of course you can," replied Hajime, automatically. "Do what?"

"I'm serious, Iwa-chan," whined Tooru, pushing at his shoulder slightly. "I… I'm struggling. I don't know if I can make it in Argentina. It's a new place, a new team, a new culture, a new language--" He sat back and pulled at his own hair. "It's too much. I'm the outsider, and I can barely keep up with the basics of their conversations, so I'm not exactly making friends, and I… I didn't realize how much it meant to know that you were always there with me. Now I'm… all on my own. And I don't think I can do it on my own."

"Tooru," sighed Hajime, reaching to cup Tooru's jaw in his palms. "Listen to me, stupid. You always have me. Even if we're not in the same town, or the same country, or the same continent. I told you when you left, and I'm telling you now: you can call me anytime. When I'm in California, the time difference isn't so bad. So I mean it about _anytime_." His thumb swiped over the curve of Tooru's cheek. "I love you, idiot. I'll be there for you when you're overwhelmed. That's all this is. Overwhelmed. You said yourself that you're dealing with a ton of new things right now, and anyone would have trouble adjusting. But _you will_." 

"You can't know that--" protested Tooru.

"Shut up, I'm not done," huffed Hajime. "I know you. I've been with you all your life, and I've seen you overcome every obstacle in your path. You're the most determined person I've ever known, and I have no doubt that you'll adjust to your new circumstances and show them all that no one had better underestimate you. You can do it. You can do anything." He locked his gaze with Tooru's, barely visible in the dark, and slowly leaned in to kiss him again. "You trust me, don't you? Trust me, then, when I say that I believe in you."

"When did my Iwa-chan become Mr. Romance?" asked Tooru, kissing him back. "You always know just what to say. That's why I need you."

"You have me," insisted Hajime, fiercely. "You always have me. You don't have to write me pining letters and wait for them to cross the ocean on a boat… send me a fucking text."

"I'll try," promised Tooru. He shifted in Hajime's lap so that he could wrap his legs around Hajime's waist. "I forgot how forthcoming and… masterful you can be. I missed it."

"Oh yeah?" Hajime could sense the change in tone, and he knew that Tooru was trying to change the subject, but he could only push his lover so far. "I think we're too old to be fooling around in the dark at a festival. What do you say we take this back to my house?" 

Tooru kissed him hard. "I'd say that you're full of good ideas."

*

The Iwaizumis stayed out, leaving the house to Hajime and Tooru. Despite never officially announcing it, Tooru supposed that they knew he was sleeping with their son. It was very considerate of them to give them the privacy to make the most of their last night together. 

No.

Tooru didn’t want to think about that. Despite Iwa-chan’s reassurances, he felt hollowed out from his first semester abroad. There was a gaping maw inside of his chest, ready to devour him if he got too close to remembering that he was going to have to leave Iwa-chan again. 

He chose this. It was right for him in every way, and logically, he knew that it was the best stepping stone to his future, but he hadn’t counted on how much Hajime’s absence was going to affect him. His head could make all the logical arguments it wanted, but it did no good when his heart was in a different country. 

Not now, though, he reminded himself. He was still here, and Iwa-chan was holding him. He had to stay in this moment, or else he would break down again. He didn’t want to think--about anything. “Iwa-chan,” he whispered, rolling over so that he was lying on top of his best friend. “Let’s do it again.”

“Mmm, you need to sleep,” rumbled Hajime, half asleep himself. 

“I’ll sleep on the plane,” insisted Tooru. After he left--no. “Come on, Hajime…”

“Too tired.”

“I’ll ride you, you won’t have to do anything. Hard and fast. Just once more.” He started pawing at Hajime’s pajamas, trying to get to the flesh beneath. He could feel the threads of his composure starting to unravel, and he was desperate for distraction. 

“Tooru.” Hajime’s voice was sharper, and his hands came up and gripped Tooru’s waist, holding him steady. “Why are you pushing? It’s too much. I’ll end up hurting you if we do it again.”

“I want it to hurt,” gasped Tooru, fracturing in the darkness above him. He could feel his limbs shaking, and if Hajime hadn’t been holding onto him, he would have collapsed. “Not like… injured list sort of hurt,” he clarified, trying to smile down at his stoic lover. “Just enough that I feel it for days… even after,” he paused, voice breaking, and tried to gather himself. “After I’m back in Argentina and thousands of miles away from you.” He took a shuddering breath. “I want the hurt in my body to match the hurt in my… in my heart.” 

His chest was tight, and he could feel tears slipping down his cheeks. Hajime had made a pretty speech about his resilience and abilities to overcome things, but… how could he overcome this? How could he put on a brave face about leaving Hajime again? Here, in the dark, with just the two of them, he was stripped raw. There was never any way he could hide things from Hajime, not for long, anyway. 

His unhappiness had many sources, as he had explained earlier, but he could have dealt with all of them if he had his Iwa-chan by his side. He had taken for granted how steadying his best friend had been. Iwa-chan. His rock. Stubborn and unmoveable and absolutely supportive. He needed that in his life. Hajime had always kept him from spiraling out of control, like he tended to do when he got tangled up in his own thoughts and insecurities. He needed his Iwa-chan to untangle him. 

He let Hajime pull him down against his chest, sobbing incoherently into his neck. Tooru rarely cried, but once he started, he couldn't stop. Hajime just held him and let him babble through his sniffs and sobs. 

Finally, his tears slowed and the storm of emotion calmed. "Sorry, Hajime," he whispered, sniffling. His body felt heavy, drained of all energy, and he was starting to be a little embarrassed at his breakdown. 

"Don't be sorry, stupid," replied Hajime. "It seemed like you needed to let it out."

Tooru took a shaky breath. "Probably."

There was a moment of quiet where Tooru tried to pull himself together, but Hajime spoke again. "I feel the same way… about being away from you. I miss you every day. Every minute. I don't want you to leave again."

"Hajime..." began Tooru, voice breaking as new tears sprang to his eyes. 

"But you have to," said Hajime, cutting him off. "I know that. You made the best choice for you, and I made the best choice for me. And I can be patient. Because I know that someday, in a few years maybe, we can make our choices together."

"You really think so?"

"Yes. I do. We're not going to be apart forever."

"I don't want us to be apart at all," whined Tooru. 

Hajime rubbed a hand up his back and pressed a kiss to his hair. "I know."

They lay there for a few moments, still and peaceful, until Hajime's watch started to beep quietly. "What do you say?" he asked, reaching to turn off his alarm. "Do you want to watch the sunrise with me?"

*

Tooru leaned back against him, feeling much more peaceful after he let it all out. The sky was just beginning to lighten, and he was determined to participate in this one last tradition before he had to leave. Watching the sunrise with Iwa-chan was something he could take forward with him, a hopeful memory he could tuck next to his heart and cherish during their separation. 

They were curled together on the Iwaizumis’ balcony, the duvet from Hajime’s bed wrapped around them to keep them warm in the cold night air. They didn’t speak for several long minutes, waiting in silence for the dawn to bring the new year. Tooru felt more connected than he had in a long time, like he was part of something. All across the country, there were people waiting like Hajime and himself, a collective anticipation uniting them all in this one moment. 

The sun crested the horizon, throwing golden light across trees and rooftops as far as the eye could see, and Tooru closed his eyes, basking in the glow of the new year and silently offering a prayer. He was going to leave his heartache and loneliness in the old year and try his hardest to overcome all the barriers in his way, including making friends with his new teammates. 

When he opened his eyes, he twisted to offer a tired smile to Hajime and was surprised to be pulled into a long, tender kiss. “What was that for?” he asked, when he was released. 

“Just starting the new year right.”

“My Iwa-chan is such a romantic,” teased Tooru, shifting to rest his head on Hajime’s shoulder. He wanted to stay in this calm, happy moment as long as he could. 

Grunting, Hajime took one of Tooru’s hands and dropped a small paper envelope into it. “At least let me get through my romantic gestures before you start mouthing off,” he complained. But Tooru could see the faint pink tint to his cheeks. 

Curiously, he shook the envelope until a small item dropped out of it and into his palm. It was an omamori. “Enmusubi?” he said, looking up at Hajime. “But this is--” He stopped abruptly, understanding Hajime’s embarrassment. “Hajime,” he breathed. 

A few years ago, they had joked (well, Tooru was kind of serious) about getting couples charms, the ones meant for lovers, to protect their love. They didn’t, partly because that was too solid and explicit for their unspoken, tenuous romantic attachment, but also because they were sold in pairs of blue and pink. They didn’t want to ask the old ladies attending the stall for two blue ones. 

The one that Hajime had bought was different. It was white with gold threading and sold only as a singular charm. It was something that married couples typically bought and shared, as the single talisman represented unity and the combined love of the couple. 

Tooru was shocked and stared at Hajime in silence for a moment. “You really bought this for me? For us?” he asked, finally.

Hajime pulled at the neck of his t-shirt in clear discomfort. “I wanted you to have something to take back with you. To remind you that… that I’m thinking of you. It’s not strictly accurate, but it might as well be,” he finished fiercely. 

"I think I'm dehydrated," said Tooru, after a moment. "Otherwise, I'd definitely be crying again. I can't believe you." He leaned in for another kiss. "It's perfect."

"Good," muttered Hajime. "That you like it. Not about the dehydration. I'll get you some water." He moved to get up, shifting Tooru to one side, but before he could disappear inside, he paused at the mischievous lilt of Tooru's voice calling after him. 

"I hope you know that I'm definitely going to call you my boyfriend now."

Smiling back, Hajime said, "Do what you want."

*

They got a couple of hours of sleep before the Iwaizumis returned, and then it was all bustle as Tooru had to finish preparing for his flight. Hajime stayed with him, mostly sitting around watching him unpack and repack his suitcase until he deemed it satisfactory. There was something soothing about watching Tooru bustle and fuss; he had done it for years. 

Despite the lack of sleep, Tooru seemed upbeat and energetic. There was no trace of the sadness or fear from earlier, and Hajime was relieved. Comforting people was not his forte, and it made his heart ache to see Tooru cry. He was proud, though, that Tooru had let it out and worked through his feelings. He had a habit of bottling them up, squashing everything down until the pressure broke him and everything came fountaining out. 

It was ironic that the sunshine boy with the easy smile would have more trouble expressing his emotions than the stoic one. Tooru put too much pressure on himself to be perfect, so any little thing that didn’t go according to his plan was a stone that weighed on him. Hajime, on the other hand, was adaptable and let life flow around him like a river. He wasn’t unaffected, but he accepted that he was a flawed human being and that he couldn’t control everything. They balanced each other, and last night Tooru had spiraled out and had needed his help to return to center. 

To Hajime, self-proclaimed expert in the minutiae of Tooru’s expressions, there was a marked difference in Tooru’s attitude this morning. There was none of the uneasiness or a cracking facade of cheer. This was just his Tooru, folding his clothes meticulously and cushioning the gifts he had received, tired but focused. 

Hajime caught his hand and tugged him close for a kiss. “Are you ready?” he asked, quietly.

Looking around his room, which remained unchanged in the few months since he left, Tooru closed and zipped his suitcase. “I think so.” He put his hand back in Hajime’s, lacing their fingers together and squeezing. 

He went with Tooru and his parents to the train station, and Makki and Mattsun met them there as well. Tooru’s mother was openly crying, dabbing at her face with a handkerchief, and Hajime could see tears welling in Tooru's eyes again. He hugged his parents, promising to video call them at least once a week, and sniffled his way through some last goodbyes. Hanamaki and Matsukawa embraced him together, sandwiching him in a tight squeeze. He protested and got a hair tousle in response. 

Finally, he turned to Hajime. The look in his eyes was like an arrow to his heart. Hajime opened his arms, and Tooru rushed into them. They didn't kiss; the hugging and crying was pushing the line of acceptable public behaviour, but Hajime held him tight, trying to pour all of his love and faith into the contact. He felt Tooru duck down to press his face into Hajime's neck, and he closed his eyes as they clung to each other. 

"I love you," he whispered. "Text me when you get there."

"To the airport? Or to Argentina?" asked Tooru, pulling back to look at him. 

"Both, stupid. Get in the habit." He squeezed Tooru's hand. "I'll see you soon. I promise."

Tooru's smile was bright and fragile. "You better. I've got a lot to show you." He turned slightly, smile becoming more genuine as he raised his voice. "And everyone will want to meet my _boyfriend_..."

Mattsun and Makki broke into a chorus of 'oohs' and bickered about who owed whom how much money now that Tooru had announced it as official. Tooru's mother looked like she was about to cry again, and Hajime really, really hoped that they weren't going to have some kind of awkward conversation on the way back to their neighbourhood. 

He squeezed Tooru's hand again. "Have a good trip."

"Thanks, Hajime," said Tooru, looking at him for a long moment. 

Then it was time to go.

Hajime watched Tooru pull his suitcase through the turnstile, pausing on the other side for one last look at them, and then he was gone, disappearing through the door that led to the platform. 

Despite having comforted Tooru mere hours ago and knowing it was only temporary, it hurt to see him leave. He vowed to himself that he would do everything humanly possible to get to Argentina during his spring break. Until then… they would have to do their best to bridge the distance with communication. Speaking of that, he had something to do.

*

Tooru settled back in his seat, the countryside rushing by outside his window. Soon he'd be in Tokyo, boarding the plane back to Argentina. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the seat. He already missed Hajime with an aching hollowness, but he felt better about everything. Hajime was right. He could do this. It wouldn't be forever. He was going to go back to Argentina, and he was going to make every effort to overcome his obstacles. They were… challenges. And Oikawa Tooru never backed down from a challenge. 

His Iwa-chan believed in him. And he wasn't going to let him down. 

He opened his eyes as his phone vibrated in his coat pocket. Pulling it out, he looked at the text message he had just received from Hajime. It was a picture. He squinted at it. It looked like a computer screen, photographed with a cell phone camera, and he couldn't make out what he was looking at for a moment. Then he realized. And he couldn't stop the huge smile from stretching across his face. 

Hajime had sent him a photo of his class schedule for the next semester, including one class he had just added: Spanish. As he stared at the image, another message came into his phone.

_Together._

That was all it said, but it didn't need to say more. Tooru understood. He put the phone back in his pocket, smiling again as his hand brushed against the _omamori_ he carried. 

Each minute carried him further and further away from Hajime, but what did distance matter to a bond like theirs? He took with him a reminder of Hajime's love, and it would give him the strength he needed to persevere. Tooru held it tightly. 

The marriage charm. Tooru had no delusions that it was a proposal, or that marriage was even something they would want, but the symbol was clear. It spoke of their future together, side by side forever. And yet, he could carry it with him everywhere and no one in Argentina would know what it meant. It was so like Hajime that Tooru almost started laughing. Their relationship had always been unspoken until now, kind of understood but without labels or discussion. He felt a little flip in his stomach as he thought of calling Hajime his boyfriend. It had been a long time coming, and he hadn’t realized how badly he wanted it. 

_He is mine, and I am his._

He closed his eyes again, stretching his long legs as much as he could in the cramped train car. His journey was just beginning.


End file.
